Into the Mystery: The Tale of 3 Complete Morans
It's another peaceful day on Uno-Alpha-Main Timeline EARTH, meanwhile: in the REVENGERISTS COMOUNT, the great hero Dr Tasty, Breshvic Penicsilan, Hajbab, and harbjar, and hotknife, and ...Southside Santa be planning a secret meeting!
Breshvic: Revengers! We have locating a great power. We will form Super Team and obtain. Collection get.
Dr Tasty: I agree.
Southside Santa: HO! Would thoust tell thine party composition forth-with?
The Team sets there for a time and contemplates the suggestion. After bemusement, Breshvic finally decide who go.
Breshvic: Revengers! I have decided who to go to the mission. I will take team leader, Dr Tasty is second command lieutenant, Southside Santa may accompany with christmas cheer in the case of bad strangers, Harbjar for recanesauce, and we must have another member: a ninja of great deception, skill, and magnitude.
Southside Santa: Ho! Wouldst thou take into suggestion Worst Ninja Ever? His fortitude is most powerful as well as his powerful ninja...abilities.
Dr Tasty: I agree
Harbjar: Then it is agreed? We shall locate Worst Ninja Ever and ask him to go.
The TEAM makes its way to the Revengerists Shuttle
Dr Tasty: I have a bad feeling about this
Breshvic: You don't have feelings, what are you talking about?
Dr Tasty: Go ahead and don't believe me
Southside Santa: Ho! Pray heed thoust mind, it speaketh truths untold or understood.
Dr Tasty: yeah, what he said
Breshvic: Well we won't know what truths until Ninja get
The Revengerists make it to where Ninja hiden. In the deep of ninja territory and western pennsvania
Dr Tasty: Hey, Ninja. YOu here? Yet?
WNE: Hey, I'm the best ninja you can't beat me
Dr Tasty: Wanto beet?
Breshvic: ENOUGH! STOP! CEASE! We have spilled enough blood in vein. Not here.
WNE: Fine with me
Dr Tasty: Your ass hurt
Southside Santa: Ho! A pleasurable welcome, most skilled ninja, bathed in darkness. Hath thine return from sojourn?
WNE: uh...?
Harbjar: Hey, we need to get to crime scene on double
The Team assembled onto shuttle jet for flying to the locations, we see a remote of honor and hope for human. Landing inthe shlef of life, they get to crimescen and save!
Breshvic: Okay, we are at the mission, now we must find the location!
Harbjar: What is this?
Before the Awesome can stop Harbjar, he touches the object and a thing happen
Dr Tasty: Oh not again.
Breshvic: Another mystery...
The Revengerists are swept away into the MYSTERY DIMENSION. In the MYSTERY DIMENSION, they are presented with a mystery figure. None other than MYSTERY SLACKER.
Mystery Slacker: Ho ho ho revengerists, it is I...MYSTERY SLACKER. I see you have slipped into another one of my Mysterious Mysteries. You see, for I...
Dr Tasty: I remember you, you're not Mystery Slacker. Aren't you the Fake Mystery Slacker?
Breshvic: No, this is the Fake Fake Mystery Slacker, the one who nearly tricked us into thinking he was the Real Mystery Slacker
Southside Santa: Ho! Halt thine words and thinkest thus: Ist thoust thy true Mystery Slacker? Or beist a false replica? Me thinks this beist thy True False Mystery Slacker!
WNE: No way, this is the Fake real Fake Mystery Slacker, I remember this when we got caught in that burning cabin in the woods and the Real Mystery Slacker was dead.
Harbjar: If you remember correctly, I divined with my divinations that The Real Mystery Slacker faked his death and it was the Fake Fake Mystery Slacker who was dead.
Breshvic: yeah, that's right. I recall uncovering a clue, which was the jacket of the Real Fake Mystery Slacker when we thought we had the real one.
Dr Tasty: Wastn't that his brother?
Southside Santa: Ho! It was thus, however a twist! True Mystery Slacker as thoust Fake Mystery Slacker's Brother was a ruse!
WNE: Yeah, we all thought that the Real Mystery Slacker came back as a friend of ours and his brother was in the hospital and was the real tormenter, but it turned out that our friend was the Fake Mystery SLacker and the Real Mystery Slacker was the one who was in the hospital, but Real Mystery Slacker came back and put Fake Mystery Slacker in the Hospital.
Dr Tasty: Wait...so Fake Friend who was Real Mystery Slacker was missing and came back, but Real Friend who was Fake Mystery Slacker was in teh hospital but escaped and put Fake Friend who was Real Mystery Slacker in the hospital and posed as fake Mystery SLacker where it turned out that the roles were switched and our real friend was actually real Mystery Slacker and the fake friend was Fake Mystery Slacker who was pretending to be Real Mystery Slacker?
Breshvic: Something doesn't add up
Mystery Slacker: Hey guys-
WNE: Yeah, the guy we're dealing with right now is actually Real Fake Mystery Slacker, the original Fake Mystery Slacker who was Real Mystery Slacker's twin brother. There was that whole league of Mystery slackers and there were posers of each type of Mystery SLacker on all sides. We killed most of them except this guy who we can't actually kill because he's smart enough not to be in our presence physically.
Southside Santa: Ho! this apparition provides much intellectual stimulation for a time. I say he's fine! Yay or Nay! yay I say! Hip hop horrah! Long live Real Fake Mystery Slacker!
Dr Tasty: i don't enjoy it at all. When we had to deal with the League Against Revengerists, I took the brunt of the bullshit. Do you know how many Mystery Slacker posers there were? Thousands! Each took time to find and punch a bunch of times. I have other things to do, like eat my neighboor's rasberry pies and train for extreme arm wrestling fighting.
Breshvic: You were disqualified from that years ago. Every time you competed at least someone would get their head blown off or melted.
Dr Tasty: Not my fault they can't take the heat.
Mystery Slacker: Fools, there's a mystery to solve. GET TO IT!
Mystery Slacker disappears in a puff of smoke and leaves the ultra-teasm stranded in this mystery. Breshvic takes his place as the leader once more and dons the leader hat.
Breshvic: Okay guys, leader hat I have now BOTH literal and...... figurative. I say we must esplore this fake mystery to expose the real one!
WNE: Wait. So the mystery is fake too now? Because I thought just the slacker was, but the mystery was real.
Southside Santa: Shouldst thoust esposest the mysteriest in orderst of fakest to realst? Thousands there could be, and a foul generation--
Breshvic: Shut up. Leader hat.
Dr. Tasty: All of you shut up! As second in command, I am in charge. And I say we open that big chest with the key lying right next to it!
Southside Santa: Heh. Big chest.
WNE: It seems too easy. It might be a trap.
Breshvic: Naysayer.
WNE: I'll use my stealthsmoke of a ninja move to silently open the box without triggering dungeon traps and lures.
Dr. Tasty: Okay, but BE CAREFUL, idiot.
The traps immediately all trigger and wooden sticks surround our heroes.
Harbjar: Ohno! We are surrounded.
Breshvic: Yeah. By lame wooden sticks.
Dr. Tasty: Is this supposed to be a cage? Because if so... it's the worst goddamned cage and/or trap I have ever seen.
Breshvic: Yeah, asides from being made of wood, the sticks are like, severals of feet of apart from one another. We can just walk through them.
WNE: Yeeaah. We can just walk through them! C'mon guys! My stealth powers worked!
Harbjar: Well, don't act so surprised.
Dr. Tasty: I'm not waiting for anyone.
Breshvic: Me either. Let's get out of here.
The Revengerists walk through the measly trap, but suddenly a strange old man appears before them
SOM: You have passed through the first part, but you surely cannot solve the mystery.
Southside Santa: Ho! I, Southside Sandy accept your quest
Breshvic: There's no quiest to accept, we already got put in the mystery
Southside Santa: Oh ...ho
SOM: The mystery to be solved lies deep within this castle of mystery, therein is contained a grizzly MURDER! You must find the killer and put a rest to the questions that lay unanswered!
The team is directed to the place of living (the living room) and therein lies the dead body of the victim.
Breshvic: So a couple of things here, number 1: That guy was shot, poisoned, stabbed, and killed. Number 2: Uh
WNE: We must look around for clues! I'm a ninja so I don't know how to detect.
Dr Tasty: What the fuck ever, I'm going to sit here and wait for you. Hurry up.
Breshvic: It looks like there are some finger prints in this bedroom on a blunt object, could this be what poisoned our dear friend...?
Southside Santa: HO! It is our friend Wheelchair Joe!
Breshvic: Wheelchair Joe?
Southside Santa: Thoust beist correctus.
After several painstaking minutes of investigation our heroes return to the foiyer.
Breshvic: We have uncovered the truth, as you can see this man that lies before us is NOT, in fact Wheelchair Joe, but Handi-Cap Sue!
WNE: After SSS's deduction, we figured out that he was approached from behind.
Southside Santa: Ho! Thine friendly friend's friend had procured a document, of which we found, containing most utmost information of import!
Breshvic: The friend of Handi-Cap Sue wanted the money for himself! So he took her through an elaborate maze of subterfuge and trickery! Avaste! She was duped and poisoned and a number of other things, by her best friend SCOTTY JOE! Which is you, old man.
Lightning strikes the moment Breshvic finishes his sentence and the loud boom of thunder sounds as if an ominous signal
SOM: It seems your ability to induct investigation goes unmatched, but I'll have you know that what you say is false! You have yet to solve this mystery.
Southside Santa: A POX UPON THEE! Is this fate!? Have we been forsaken? Cast out into this dimension of mysterious mysteries?
Breshvic: Then what clues are we missing?! What did we pass over? I suppose we'll have to retrace our steps a bit more meticulously
Dr Tasty: I know who performed the murder.
The group turns to him in surprise. Dr Tasty approaches the Strange Old Man
Dr Tasty: The answer to this mystery is as follows: it was me
SOM: What? No, that's stupid why wou-
Dr Tasty punches the Strange Old Man in the face and his head explodes
Dr Tasty: I killed you with fist to the face. Mystery Solved. The End.
Breshvic: *sigh* Great now we won't ever...
The fabric of the Mystery dimension begins to unravel around them, the visuals waver and it seems as if they are brought through a drug induced journey. Finally, the veil abates and they are back into their own reality.
Mystery Slacker: What the fuck just happened? THat wasn't the solution to the mystery!!
Dr Tasty: I'll shove a mystery up your face if you don't shut the hell up
Mystery Slacker: Well I'll just have to use my patented MYSTERY CANNON to push you back into the mystery
Breshvic: How will you do that?
Mystery Slacker: I haven't thought of it yet.
Southside Santa: HO! Thoust applies more layers to this mystery!
Mystery Slacker: What? Oh DAMN it, I walked right into that one
Mystery Slacker is sucked into the mystery dimension. Never to return until he returns again. Since he's the master of mysteries he should just be able to get out in like 2 seconds or something.
WNE: I guess that solves our problem. Gonna go home now
Breshvic: Wait! We have to finish our mission. Where's Dr Tasty?
Southside Santa: Ho! A fast retreat didst Dr Tasty perform.
Breshvic: *frustration* Harbjar, don't touch anything. We'll go back to base and uh, figure out what to do from there.
AND SO OUR HEROES EMERGE VICTORIOUS ONCE AGAIN! Thank you for playing Into the Mystery, stay tuned for the next Revengerists adventure. GO HOME